Props to the Hubs

Yesterday my husband said the perfect thing, and I am so proud of him that I want to tell it to you.

Since I was a teenager I've struggled with depression of various kinds, but most particularly seasonal depression. Fall is doom to me--everything is dying, the world outdoors seems dangerous and unfriendly, and there's nothing to look forward to but increasing cold and the expensive hassle and stress of Christmas. (BAH, humbug!)

So yesterday, partly due to legitimate life circumstances but also probably because the weather felt chilly, I really sank into a low mood. So many things have been running around in my mind for the last couple of weeks that I felt the need for somebody to talk seriously to, but I couldn't figure out who the perfect person would be. My mother is in the nursing home...my favorite coworker is many years younger than me...my best friend has five kids and enough problems of her own. I have no siblings and I ruled out my cousins for various reasons. I imagined myself talking to a counselor, but that's only a fantasy because I actually tried it once and found it totally icky.

It occurred to me that Brian was the person I wanted to talk to, but at first this made me feel worse because I thought he wouldn't want to listen. I thought if I approached him and said I needed to talk(because we all know men dread those words), he would say (or think) "Oh God, what now? What is it this time?" I thought he'd be defensive and think I was blaming him for things that were bothering me, or that he would argue back that some circumstances can't be helped or tell me that his life wasn't a bed of roses either, so I should just deal with it. Without him saying a word, and without even giving him a chance, I had cast him in the role of my adversary.

But then he asked, simply: "Why are you acting so down?" And something about that phrasing allowed me to answer him and tell him all the things on my mind. See, there are some things that are not good to say to a depressed person. "What's wrong with you? Who pissed in your cornflakes? What's your problem? Why are you acting like such a bitch?" For me, "What's wrong?" will always be answered by, "Nothing," because the question (when I'm feeling low) is just too big. And "Why are you acting like a bitch?" or anything along those lines only makes me feel kicked-while-down. The most perfect question was exactly what Brian asked me yesterday... to paraphrase him: I notice that you seem depressed and I wonder what has you feeling that way?

So good job, Brian. You made me feel better without even having to get all squishy about it and risk losing your man card. You saved the day.