Gina Bingo

Gina is my very repetitive, very annoying chronic complainer of a coworker. As if it didn't suck enough to have to work in general, I have to sit right beside her. When she is not hacking and sneezing in my general direction, she is talking, which may be worse. She cannot stand to think that the rest of us may have failed to notice her for a moment, so she keeps up a stream-of-consciousness monologue all day.

There is not a lot going on in her brain, but whatever IS going on, we hear about it. So, since they don't allow us to play drinking games at work, I've decided to get some bingo cards printed up, to try to help us normal people survive the days with her. I think there could actually be several forms of Gina Bingo. We'll each keep the cards on our desks and put a little token on the square every time she says one of her trademark things.

The first game could be COMPLAINT BINGO. The squares on the cards could say: God, it's hot in here. God, it's cold in here.My husband's out of work. I'm broke and can't pay the bills. Mama's in the hospital again. I'm sick. My head/tummy/throat hurts. No matter what you do around here, it's not enough. This computer is so slow. This printer is so slow. This customer just chewed me out. I'm starving but I don't feel like eating anything. I'm hungry but I don't feel like going anywhere. Of course she doesn't feel like going anywhere--it's much more fun to stay in the office and complain! With any luck, someone will pay attention to her!

Once somebody has won a round of Complaint Bingo (which should only take a minute) we could play REPETITIVE ANNOYING STATEMENT BINGO. The squares on those cards could say, for example: I'm a Georgia peach all the way! I live in a lake community. I'd be more than glad to. The computer automatically does that.

Finally we could play VOCABULARY BINGO. Gina pronounces things however she wants to, and clings to her mistakes no matter what anybody tells her. The Vocabulary Bingo cards would say: "I was belivid." (livid.) "It was a hox." (hoax.) "I got tickets for Circus Delay." (Cirque de Soleil).

My only concern now is what the winner of each round will get to do. Oh, I know what we'd all LIKE to do. But that would be illegal, and not very nice either.