My Son the Famous African American

A note came home from school with Brandon the other day. "Help us celebrate Black History Month," it said. "On Friday, dress your child as a famous African-American."

Why must they tempt me to mischief so?

Do you think they only gave us one day's notice due to rampant senses of humor in the Foster family which are liable to run amok if we had a little more time? That's my theory, but we still put our heads together to contrive a costume on one day's notice. Brandon does a hilarious imitation of Dave Chappelle doing Samuel L. Jackson, but it entails too much cussing. We had a lot of other great ideas for him--he could be JJ from Good Times, or Redd Foxx, or even Beyonce. I personally was voting for Flava Flav, since it would have been pretty easy just to tie a clock around his neck.

However he decided he'd be Barack Obama. He has a suit that used to be the Clark Kent part of a Superman costume, and an old cassette tape carrier that could be a mini-briefcase. All he needed was a mask. I called Party City and Spencer's. Nothing. All that was left was a rather uppity costume shop, but since we happened to wind up having supper at the Blimpie right beside it, we popped in to check.

An old fat queen--think Truman Capote without the voice--was sewing something when we walked in. His back was turned but after a few minutes he deigned to glance over his shoulders at us. "May I help you?" he asked boredly. I didn't like him already, but y'know, you do anything for kids, so I politely asked, "Would you happen to have a Barack Obama mask?" "NO," he snorted, as if this were the most obscure thing anybody could want. He then proceeded to recommend some oddball place in midtown or whatever, because he didn't get that I needed the mask right then.

So we were screwed, and Brandon just went to school in regular clothes this morning. Only tonight did we recall that he ALSO does a hilarious imitation of Lil John. So next year, we're gonna be ON the costume thing in advance. Get him some long dreads and dark shades and a grill and he'll be all set. YAY-uh!!