Workplace Tale 2: Psycho Christian Wife

One time I worked at a company that manufactured styrofoam boards. It was a small company. I was the receptionist and general office chick; I entered orders into the computer and stuff like that.

We had three outside salesmen who called in to the office numerous times daily, so I quickly got acquainted with them. Two were in Atlanta and actually came into the office fairly often. The other, whose name was John, was based in Alabama and never came in. Although I joked around and talked trash with both of the Atlanta reps, the FIRST thing I was ever told about John was that he was a "born-again Christian." To me this pretty well equates to "tight-ass stick in the mud," so I was never any more than mildly friendly and courteous when talking to him.

Once a week I put together a package of various reports and things to mail out to each sales rep. I felt rather sorry for John, stuck off by himself in Alabama and having no camaraderie with the rest of us, so I used to stick a Post-It note on top of his reports. It would say....brace yourself..."Hi, John!" Sometimes when I was feeling especially wild, I'd draw a smiley face.

So one day the office phone rang, and when I answered it, a lady asked to speak to one of my coworkers [who, it turned out, she wrongly thought was my boss]. The coworker was unavailable, so the lady then identified herself as, oh, let's call her Chrissy Christian--John's wife.

"Oh, HI, Chrissy!" I said in delighted surprise. I was just tickled pink to get to talk to her, since unlike the other salesmen's wives, she'd never called in before.
Turned out, though, that Chrissy had an agenda. She wanted to know what was the meaning of these notes I was sending to her husband. What was my intention? She and John had discussed it, she said, and he assured her he had never given me any encouragement. She didn't like it, didn't appreciate it, and wanted to know what it was all about. Oh and by the way, how old was I?

I was about twenty-three or -four, I guess, and COMPLETELY MORTIFIED. The very idea of these two married people sitting around their living room having a heated discussion about my inappropriate (???) notes to her husband! The very idea of HER (not John, who worked there) trying to call my BOSS over it! What was my intention? A friendly hello, you crazy bat.

I assured her that she would NEVER have to worry again--which was an understatement, because I was a frickin' iceberg to her gonadally-challenged husband from that day forward. When I hung up after her call I marched straight into the office of the lady she'd been trying to call about me, and bawled my eyes out, I was so embarrassed and so mad.

I wonder sometimes if these two lovely Christian folks stayed married. For all their fine principles, I think you'd have to be the most nightmarish kind of an insecure psycho shrew to call your husband's job and mess up his relationships with his coworkers over a Post-It note that said "Hi."